I get nervous with public speaking, so when I delivered the vows Id written for my wedding, I hit a few snags. It wouldnt have been that big of a deal, except that my teenage nephew Jarrod was recording the whole thing to chop and screw my mess-ups into his new EP.
1. Everybody had a good laugh when I accidentally called us Mr. and Mr. Carson right at the top of my vows. People came up and called us that at the reception as a joke, and it was fun. But when Jarrod iterates my slip over and over to make a backbeat, it comes off a little mean-spirited.
2. Even if I hadnt already spent three hours sweating through my tuxedo in a rustic converted barn with no air circulation, cherish, caress, and care for would still be a tongue twister. The initial embarrassment of botching it was more than enough, but making a drop out of it just salts the wound.
3. He even titled the EP Salad Mouth, which is either a jab at the garbled delivery of my extended sailing metaphor, or a reference to when, at the reception, I asked him to delete the recording and instead he just loudly pointed out the (great deal of) spinach caught in my teeth. Either way, I find it disrespectful, but not nearly as disrespectful as what Jarrod did to my carefully thought-out boating metaphor that really tied together my vows.
4. Does taking the nervous little laugh I gave after calling my wife her sisters name and turning it into a snare drum sample show that Jarrods got some real production talent? Sure, yeah. Do I like that 10,000 people on Soundcloud have heard it? Not really!
5. If my slips of the tongue inspired him to add some art to the world, thats great. I dont even really mind that Jarrod turned my train wreck of a final line into a spoken word intro for the EP. I guess I just wish all that could have come from something other than me mangling the most important day of my life.
Originally found athttp://www.clickhole.com/features/news/