You know what I find relaxing? Taking a bath. Cuddling with my dog. Taking a long walk in the park, in sneakers.
You know what I definitely don’t find relaxing? Wearing a pair of towering heels. Apparently, though, I should.
In true Blake Lively fashion, she told Hamptons Magazine that on top of loving to dress up, she thinks it’s relaxing  to put on a great pair of Louboutins.”
Hold up. HOLD UP.
I know plenty of women who love to wear heels because it gives them height, confidence or just because they just look good. But, none of those women would EVER say wearing a pair of heels is relaxing.
Despite what any porn fantasy or “Jurassic Park” movie might tell you, wearing heels for long periods of time is not comfortable at all. Like, I’d rather walk on hot coals than be forced to wear a pair of pointed-toe Louboutin stilettos for an hour straight.
Maybe Blake has some sort of genetic body modification that allows her to not feel like she’s dying every time she’s in a pair of 6-inch heels. Maybe her feet are secretly made of trampolines. Maybe her Loubs are stuffed with pillows.
I DON’T KNOW. Whatever it is, she clearly has magical feet or has Christian Louboutin make her super extra-special Loubs that feel like Pillow Pets on her tootsies. (BRB, patenting that idea right now.)
You know what else Blake might find relaxing?
1. Doing her taxes.
2. Fixing the office printer.
3. Waiting for her STD results to come back.
4. Driving in really bad traffic when she’s late to a meeting.
5. Having to go to work on a really bad hangover.
6. Going on a blind date with a totalcreep.
7. Giving birth.
8.Buying a Kylie Jenner Lip Kit.
9. Realizing she spelled something important wrong in a Tweet and having to delete it really fast.
10. Re-watching “The Red Wedding.”
Those are literally all things I’d rather be doing than walking in those towering heels she considers so chill.
Blake, stop. Just stop.
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